1st post for Year 2009

Long time din update my blog...
Maybe because im too busy? or maybe im happy thus i need not to write anything on my pessimistic blog??
No No No~~!!! only because im LAZY i guess... sigh...

This is my 1st post on year 2009...
& i wish to post up a Cantonese song's lyrics...
雜技 from 衛蘭...
when first listen to it from radio, d feeling really comes out...
"WOW!!! Truly portrait my position!!"
Try to listen to it...Hmm...maybe~~ u'll like it too~~

*Happy 2009* for all~~ & for myself~~

當我靠近 臉上盡是密雲
傻人都知一心對我降溫
你在迴避我親近 沒疑問
後悔 試過故意對你倍加關心
誰知你竟會抗拒我的慰問
彷彿尷尬地撞到路人 我這樣笨
只想見你但是盡量合群
明明相交不深我也上心
你良朋像我兄弟 沒遺憾
最重要 我試過說偶爾也想單身
提醒你不會揹上太多責任
委屈到這樣造作
只想博到同情與好感
我不怕 死心不息愛你
表演討好的雜技
不惜更改性格都想配合你
施展魔鬼的嫵媚
加起修女莊嚴難以令你在意得到轉機
然後我 假裝瀟灑對你
偷歡偷不到妒忌
花心痴心竟然同樣不震撼你
哭泣表演可憐你嫌棄
大概正中你厭惡的禁忌
難道要我說我愛到想死
威脅若拒絕我便逼死你
又怕越快被你拋棄
猜想你最近在服侍別人
仍然一聲不響免太貼身
鬥命長亦鬥寬大 只要忍
冷待我 也要免強對你笑得開心
如果不想答我永遠不會問
小心到以為能夠
得到報答垂憐我苦心


曾 炫耀偉大無悔換一點感動
曾 強調最在乎你換一點激動
而你 愛完了 不會懂 不屑懂
死心不息無人歌頌
曾用盡了種種方式對你
種種討好的雜技
不惜更改性格都想配合你
施展魔鬼的嫵媚
加起修女莊嚴難以令你在意得到轉機
然後我 假裝瀟灑對你
偷歡偷不到妒忌
花心痴心竟然同樣不震撼你
哭泣表演可憐你嫌棄
大概正中你厭惡的禁忌
難道要我說我愛到想死
威脅若拒絕我便逼死你
無非要 要爭一口氣

#三個放不下#

自問真的是個蠢的可憐的笨蛋啊...
為甚麼要哭?為甚麼要把自己鎖在回憶里生活?
我也好想知道.........

很多事情, 越想忘記, 卻越會想起...真的很辛苦...
每每看到.碰到,聽到一些東西, 就會想起他與他...
回憶啊...你到底是要來幹嗎的呢???


我...被牽著了...被三個男的, 綁住了...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

一個是活在天堂的他...
看著那照片, 那房間, 那電腦, 那書包, 那腳車...
聽著那些他聽過, 他會喜歡的歌...還有一首小時候一起笑過的歌...
我們曾經很靠近, 卻隨著年齡的成長而變得好遙遠...
這是甚麼呢??
為甚麼人總是失去了才發現擁有的美好???
***珍惜身邊的人***



另一個是很疼愛我的人...傷心欲絕的人...
看著他, 因失去他而傷心, 憔悴, 迷失...
他跟媽都很難過, 很讓人擔心...
不同的是, 媽媽比較堅強... (為甚麼我的性格不像她呢??)
我每次都有種放不下他的感覺...唉...
***感恩-父母恩***



最後...一個讓我很痛心, 失望的人...
我的喜怒哀樂, 除了爸媽, 他的影響是最大的...
把他看的那麼重, 他不會開心, 反而感到煩惱...
他說了很多不以為意的話傷了我, 卻不知道我要用多久的時間痊癒...
我總于明白, 為甚麼女生有時會做出很多無理取鬧的事情了...
我也總于變成那麼一個笨女人...真可笑...
我幾時才能擺脫那美好回憶的枷鎖呢???
***回憶的滋味***



是的...很多人安慰過我, 也勸過我...
學著放開, 放手, 面對...長痛不如短痛之類的...
哈...我也曾經勸過別人...
結果??? depends 吧...
我自問我是最沒用的人, 別人幫不到我, 我也幫不到我自己...
每次想到方法讓自己忘記, 讓自己看開, 到最後還不是淚留滿臉收場...
沒想過自己是這麼軟弱...恨死了...唉...



現在每次遇到甚麼事情, 都會想起以前所學過的名句精華...
原來...真的很有意思...

深思哲學 bla bla bla...

• 沒有一百分的另一半, 只有五十分的兩個人.

• 付出真心才會得到真心, 卻也可能傷得徹底; 保持距離就能保護自己, 卻也注定永遠寂寞.

• 通常願意留下來跟你爭吵的人, 才是真正愛你的人.

• 有時候不是對方不在乎你, 而是你把對方看的太重要. (或許吧)

• 冷漠有時候並不是無情, 只是一種避免被傷害的工具.

• 愛是: 如果我們之間有1000步的距離, 你只要跨出第一步, 我就會朝你的方向走其餘的999步.

• 為你難過而快樂的是敵人, 為你快樂而快樂的是朋友, 為你難過而難過的就是該放在心里的人.

• 就 算是believe中間也藏著一個 lie.

• 真正的好朋友並不是在一起就有聊不完的話題, 而是在一起就算不說話也不會感到尷尬.

• 朋友就是被你看透了還能喜歡你的人.

=If i were a boy=

If I were a boy
Even just for a day
I’d roll out of bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted and go
Drink beer with the guys
And chase after girls
I’d kick it with who I wanted
And I’d never get confronted for it
Because they’d stick up for me

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boy
I would turn off my phone
Tell everyone its broken
So they think
that I was sleeping alone
I’d put myself first
And make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she’d be faithful
Waiting for me to come home (to come home)

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted (wanted)
Cause he’s taken you for granted (granted)
And everything you had got destroyed

It’s a little too late for you to come back
Say its just a mistake
Think I forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong


But you're just a boy
You don’t understand (yea you don’t understand)
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you’ll wish you were a better man
You don’t listen to her
You don’t care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you've taken her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
But you're just a boy…


RED : what a girl will do...
BLUE: what a guy usually do...

Why??? Stop comparing??!!!

2008...my last year for still being a teenager...
Coming new year...coming 20 years old...

Yeah...this is my last year... I am so sad when i realize my age sooner start with "2"...
I don have anything in this "last year" but only sadness & hurts...
Why???
Where is the life i enjoy so much before?
Before this, there is ntg special when we talked bout our childhood,
but now...I wonder how wonderful was it...compare to wat i've had now...
Simple chit-chat, simple laughter, simple life = happiness!!!

2008: Big twist in my life
Dreams may broke...the pastor said...& i understand...
But why? Why life is unfair??????

I know i love to cry...I know its annoying when a girl keep crying...
But...Its really hard to control...
At least i did so well in front my parents...
Isnt it should be like in a movie??
"Asking a girl to cry out when she felt sad rather than ask her stay quietly??"
I wish i can find someone to cry to...
But wat he did to me: he found my tears disturbing,bothering...
The one i wish he could comfort me, the one who could do this, doesnt care anymore...




Listening to the song
***If I Were A Boy***

What about yesterday....?

Finally finish my final...
& i know i did it badly....really bad....Erm...let me rate...

1) Accounting ----------> Worst
2) IFM ----------------> Bad
3) Marketing ----------> Moderate?
4) Business Law -------> Moderate?

Sigh...can i pass all that?? Probably not.... :(
Can i transfe/ exchange to Aus??? Poabbly not.... :(
Sob sob...... why like this..

.--.--.--.--.--.--.--.--.--.--.--.--.--.--.--.--.--.--.--.--.

8/11...yesterday.... my brother's birthday....
I wish him "Happy Birthday"....
In another world tat not belongs to us...
I knew my parents sure remember bout it....
17 years ago... he came to this world...
& 6 months ago... he left this world...
Mayb he will live happily ever after in his world now...
I wish he will..... No...For sure he will....


So....what's my birthday wish for next year??

Final Exam 28/10

Sigh...another final exam coming...
This final just recalled my memory about what had happen before last final exam...
Time passed rapidly...It had been about 4 & a half months ago...



Arhh....i don have mood to study at all...
Can't even remember what i've read an hour ago...
Anyone help me out please... teach me the way to concentrate on my studies....
Sobsob... I don wish to retake these subjects...
I don wish to waste my dad's money...

Monash...
Sunway...
"I hate u"...
Since i've been here, bad things keep happened...
I just hate to be here
***childish***

& i hate to walk along this corridor....
The long boring monash parking->cafeteria corridor...



How i wish i can transfer or exchange to Aussie campus...
Start new life there?? Is it possible??
Or it might be another nightmare for being so far away from my parents??
I don wan their worries...
I scared my dad lonely...
A lot of stuffs have to be consider...
Sigh....